Avoidant Tendencies and How to Stop Being Avoidant

Julie also hosts a bi-weekly discussion group on relationship and self-help topics. A sought-after public speaker and podcast guest, Julie is dedicated to helping individuals and couples foster secure, fulfilling relationships. Julie Menanno, MA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Relationship Coach.

Lifestyle

While conflict is often uncomfortable, choosing to discuss relationship issues can lead to a better understanding of the other person, and it may ultimately move the relationship forward. Avoiding conflict often leads to emotional suppression, Sober living home pent-up frustration, and increased stress, even over seemingly minor issues. This can lead to passive-aggressive behavior that can hurt the relationship in the long run. A therapist can help you uncover the roots of your tendency to avoid conflict and work with you on learning and practicing effective conflict management strategies. If anxiety, depression, past trauma, or another mental health challenge is affecting your ability to handle conflict, a therapist may also help address these. Addressing a tendency toward conflict avoidance can be challenging, as it’s often a deep-rooted, fear-based habit and may be linked to difficult or even traumatic past experiences.

With small, steady steps, you can learn to share your truth, listen with compassion, and build deeper trust. Remember, conflict avoidance might feel like the safer option in the moment, but it doesn’t lead to lasting peace. Similar to setting boundaries, practicing assertive communication can help you resolve conflicts more effectively. Practice asserting yourself with statements such as “I feel…” or “My experience is that….” When you develop assertiveness skills, conflict resolution becomes easier and less anxiety-provoking. Turning off in the face of conflict can sometimes be a part of your healing journey, Morales says. “Abusive relationships, environments, and situations may not be a place where we practice assertive communication,” she explains.

Building Trust and Open Communication

Conflict is yet another challenge we all must deal with throughout our careers, and it is often not something we were taught how to handle. For many people, the natural reaction is to avoid it or https://www.atropilates.com/alcoholic-dementia-definition-symptoms-treatment/ address it head-on without taking into consideration the other person or circumstances. Whilst I wasn’t doing this intentionally to cause harm, harm is what it caused to many a relationship.

Insights into avoidance behavior and change.

In fact, healthy conflict can lead to stronger relationships, better communication, and personal growth. It’s like rewiring your brain to react differently to conflict situations. Non-confrontational personality traits can be challenging, but they’re not set in stone. Sometimes, people avoid conflict because they don’t feel heard or understood. By really listening and acknowledging their feelings, you can help build their confidence in expressing themselves.

Consider therapy

• Rather than endlessly ruminate and allow conflicts to fester in your head, try taking a more assertive approach.
• It may feel normal for you to have other folks wrapped up in their ‘oh my God, he stood you up again’ drama while you logistically plan for the next important thing.
• It also clears the deck of any lingering resentment or issues you haven’t had a chance to talk about.
• This can lead to the person having trouble with physical and emotional intimacy.
• A common complaint from couples who come to therapy together is that they are deeply divided on significant issues such as child rearing or financial goals.

Over time, it is possible to improve one’s abilities in this area significantly. Open and honest communication is widely regarded as a crucial component of healthy personal relationships, spanning friendships to romantic partnerships. Failing to be honest about your needs and desires can be a significant obstacle to building intimacy and forming strong connections. Consistently putting aside your own needs can also lead to a buildup of resentment and unresolved issues, which could negatively affect the health of a connection and even lead to broken relationships. Speaking up for one’s needs and aligning the conflict styles of both parties can be crucial in strengthening relationships. The journey towards healthier conflict management requires patience, practice, and compassion for oneself and one’s partner.

Toxic Personality Traits: Recognizing and Addressing Harmful Behaviors

You see a confrontation on the horizon and you dive for cover, because really, who wants to deal with stress from conflict? If you’re thinking about how to help an avoidant partner, one of the best steps you can take is to understand why and how their actions and beliefs in relationships are triggered. Understanding them helps you to realize what they need and be okay with giving them space. Your avoidant partner is triggered by emotional pressure and won’t react well to feeling pushed to open up before they’re ready. Helping them to feel secure through consistent actions, words of validation, and acting as a stable, trustworthy base can help them to open up in time. Your partner can play their part by learning more about their attachment style and how it interacts with yours.

This might look like suddenly remembering an urgent task that needs attention or developing a sudden interest in something completely unrelated to the conversation at hand. Understanding the psychological mechanisms behind conflict avoidance provides valuable insight into why this behavior persists, even when we logically know it might not be in our best interest. With practice and support, you can learn to navigate it with confidence and authenticity.

Horn Effect Psychology: How Negative First Impressions Shape Our Judgments

When you constantly volunteer to take blame, people subconsciously begin to see you as someone who creates problems, even when logic tells them otherwise. You’re essentially training others to expect unlimited availability and compliance from you. And if you eventually try to set boundaries, people will react with surprise or frustration because you’ve established a precedent of endless accommodation. When someone is conflict-averse, a reflexive “yes” often spills from their mouth before their brain even processes what’s been asked of them. Offering compassionate individual & relationship therapy in West Chester, Philadelphia, and virtually in PA, DE, NY, NJ, CA, FL and other select states across the U.S.

Be open to compromise and ask other people to elaborate on their opinions to gain new insight. I will be professional and interact with Julia only when I need to. I won’t go out of my way to include her, keep her up to date or interact with her unless I have to. I am not going to bring up the elephant in the room because I don’t want to have that weird — not to mention how to deal with someone who avoids conflict uncomfortable — conversation. But unfortunately, chronic over-apologizing creates exactly the problems you’re trying to prevent.

Growth comes when we face things together, even if it feels scary. Instead of making sweeping generalizations, Sagaram recommends zeroing in on specific actions. So it’s not that your friend is “irresponsible” or “stingy,” per se. Maybe the message you want to get across is that they need to pay you back more promptly. Or the barista who got your order wrong isn’t “incompetent.” Rather, they used the wrong milk in your latte and you’d like a redo. By addressing a clear (and fixable) issue versus painting the person as a problem, it should be easier for the person on the receiving end to hear you out and actually fix what’s bothering you.